Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
