Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
