Soap is not a condiment
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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