you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize