Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
