I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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