u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
