Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
