can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
