I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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