It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
