Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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