Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
