the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
