We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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