That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
