i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wish my penis had a tongue
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
