in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
