My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
