I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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