so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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