why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize