I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
