right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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