WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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