grandma shit on top of the toilet
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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