my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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