I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
