I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize