Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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