I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need a beard to bite.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize