I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
