hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
