I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
