Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
