The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
