i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
