Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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