I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I miss vodka workout Fridays
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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