Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
