I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
