why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
