Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When are your genitals available?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
