im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
