New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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