The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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