when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize