somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
