yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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