we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
