Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
