I must be too annoying 4 u.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My vagina just recognized that song.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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