I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
