He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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