defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
