My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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