we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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