DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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