Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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