Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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