And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
