My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize