Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
