Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
