love makes seman taste better
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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