On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
