she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
