I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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