Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
