Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
