I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
