Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
