He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
