a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize