just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
