i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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