I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
