Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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