Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
