So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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