it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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