So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
