I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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