Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
