A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
