i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
