Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
