Is it because I queefed?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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