My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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