batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He did a backflip because drugs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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