Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
