so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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