This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
