we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
