Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
