11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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