one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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