I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
