Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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