Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
