listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
