Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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