two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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