You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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