I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
